I should place this disclaimer on anything I write: I do not represent my employer or The United States of America...
Oh sorry, I forgot to tell you what the hell this all means, the blog that is. In my effort to put my half-million dollar college career to use by beginning en media res I have left out a few details. Let's start from the middle of the beginning - not exactly the beginning which Julie Andrews would prefer - but far in enough to make you assume this is not going to be the dreaded "bed-to-bed" narrative.
I ended four years of sleep-deprivation, mental torture, alcoholism, and promiscuity, known to most as the American college experience, by walking across a stage and being handed an empty diploma case. The next day I flew to Seoul, then Bangkok and then finally onto Chiang Mai (if you want to stalk me, start here). Thankfully Xanax stole most of that 28hours of travel from my memory, whoever said, "getting there is half the fun" obviously liked being stuck in a capsule 39,000 feet above the ocean for 16 hours.
Anyhow, I got to Chiang Mai in one piece and I am teaching English. Hence the title, "TEFL?", which I believed to be apt considering the questionable nature of our students abilities and my teaching abilities. I think I'm like military school meets Showtime at the Apollo. The students however, for the most part have no incentive to learn English. That is, 100-150 of my students have ski-town syndrome, why the hell would they want to leave Chiang Mai or Thailand for that matter? The coeds are pretty, the beer is cheap, there is nightlife seven days a week, and it is sunny and warm nearly every day.
I am learning thai, it is an interesting language to add to the resume, and at the moment quite practical. It is not quite as complicated as Chinese. Which has actually come in very handy here given that the vast majority of the friends that I have made are Chinese. Though, Mandarin really does no good when they speak their local Yunannese dialect so that I can't understand. So, I am learning that too. Oh, and Burmese.
Now for the things I have learned in Thailand - Letterman has the rights to "Top Ten" - so I go with "things I've learned" also as a allusion and homage to the late Bob Collins. More or less it's a you know you are in Thailand when...
1) When I look at something on the street and I think "God, that would feel good in my mouth"
2) I walk around with Immodium in my backpack only to be confronted with the opposite problem for which that is the solution.
3) No matter how much you ask for a volunteer, you are not going to get one.
4) People walk around with sugary drinks, frappes, or a can of beer in 90+ degree heat, how do they do that? I need an IV when I walk outside.
5) I feel odd when I am not drenched in sweat.
6) Thai people have there own timezone, e.g. thing that would take most humans 15 minutes, like making a phone call to the consulate, take Thais approximately 1 month.
7) Efficiency and Mai Bpen Rai don't mix.
8) Don't ask a question if you want an answer, b/c odds are it will be in broken Tenglish (in which I am now proficient).
9) If she looks to good to be true, she probably is a lady boy.
10) Warm-up is fun, Monkey is unique, Riverside is crowded, and Nimann is just right.
All of these and more will be explained in detail as time goes on.
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