Basically, every time I sit down to write this blog it is with the anticipation, and aspiration, of writing the next great novel / travel journal. However, now I have significantly lowered my standards due to the dilatory nature with which I write entries. Queen said two out of three ain’t bad, they said nothing about once every three or four weeks. My bad. Let me give you all (all seven of you) the update:
In the last handful of weeks, I have been hit up for nearly 250 USD by my employer for paperwork that they should have, not to mention that any other employer would have, taken care of months ago. Let me school you in some basic mathematics, this is our life: paycheck roughly 470 USD, work longstay visa extension 120 USD, work permit 100 USD, rent 200 USD, miscellaneous fees from Chiang Mai University 150 USD. For those of you pay attention and scoring at home, it is evident that if I were to live solely off of my CMU wages I would have negative 100 USD, for me this equates to 3800 THB. That amount is about what I would spend in five or six days. In the words of the David Sedaris (sp?) like Princeton grad, and colleague of mine, Jason, “Who needs a Thai Girlfriend when I get fucked by CMU daily.”
Enough with the bad news - let us turn our focus to the question: what will be my mode of transportation? I should begin by saying, however vulgar and juvenile this may sound, when I was a sophomore at prep school I heard someone say something (probably in Hutch) that sums up the attitude of The US with respect to mopeds, “[they] are like fat chicks, a lot of fun to ride until your friends find out.” Yet, here in Thailand, both are perfectly acceptable, though more the latter – the Thai standard of beauty is a digression that I will comment on later. Corpulent co-eds aside, I need a moped, and yes they are fun to ride, although sometimes a bit dangerous (the comparison may actually have some validity).
This is because, alike many countries outside of the US and Canada, lane lines are more a passing though than a suggestion – calling them a rule would be a gross overstatement. This is evidenced while riding in a red truck (taxi aka Songtaew) and watching one of the little kamikazes darting in and out of traffic, sometimes on-coming, like a dog as it weaves its way through an agility course. All the while you say to yourself, ‘I’d never do that with my moped.’ However once I took the reins, as an American, I felt this urge to offset the stereotype of being a proud moped owner by pushing the envelope. I wanted to show every Thai the “hot, nasty, bad ass speed” that Eleanor Roosevelt, as quoted in Talledega Nights, said the American had been founded upon. My first time behind the wheel was after dinner with a friend when she volunteered me to drive myself back to hotel. She said the Chinese equivalent of ‘itime to learn how to swim don’t be a bitch’ (loose translation). As ordered I took control of the vehicle and instantly felt at home, because it’s a scientifically proven fact that all Americans can sit at the healm of anything with wheels and pilot it to safety. My right hand twisted the throttle and I was off weaving like a veteran, I made it home safe, no problem. Oh, I should mention, I should have worn my brown pants. That is not to say that all Thais have a death wish, some putter along and keep to the left. Driving in Thailand is no joke, I am buying a helmet; an accessory that no Thais wear, as it would hurt their hair’s feelings and that would offend everyone around them.
The reluctance to don a helmet transitions ever so eloquently to the more academic portion regarding the Thai standard of beauty. It is in a word, Korea. Consequently, said standard is a result of the Thai obsession with Korean pop-culture; evidenced by music, hair, and clothing preferences of most of the younger generations. However, the older generations warn that this is iconoclastic, I agree. The best depiction of this is a sticker I saw one morning while on a walk of Ronald McDonald in lieu of Jesus on the cross with the title “Save Thai Culture.”
To begin, the people wish to have white skin, a sign of purity in most Asian societies. Every billboard is of a light-skinned person, with softer Asian feature making them appear more westerns. More than likely the model is a Korean or Hong Konger. This has created the demand, and Michael Jackson-ish propensity / penchant, for purchasing skin-bleaching products – I had a hard time finding facewash without it. Though this has not gone to the extent that it has in Korea, where a large percentage of the Woman have underwent cosmetic surgery to achieve this archetype. What I find more impressive is that woman, like one of my Thai friends, are willing to wear jackets in 100 F weather in order to keep their skin light. Sadly, I have news for them, not bloody likely. Thai people on average have darker skin, unless of course they are Thai-Chinese, -Japanese, Anglo-Thai, et cetera.
There is also a preoccupation with being thin. This doesn’t seem to be a problem, as I can say personally after losing about 13 lbs in my first month here, it’s truly easy. Carbs be damned you will loose weight in Thailand. The other particularity of the Thai standard of beauty is that it, like other cultures I assume, is one-sided, That is, it only concerns females.
Much on these tidbits, I’ll try to be more timely, cheers.
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